Why do you feel guilt when it comes to self pleasure?



The first time I tried to masterbate was not followed by a feeling of release and pleasure, instead only guilt filled my body. I was in my early teens when I first started to explore myself, so I wasn’t sure what I was doing. I was overwhelmed with these strange, good and pleasurable sensations, but as soon as it was over, I felt dirty. 

At school, no one ever talked about female pleasure. The one time it was awkwardly brought up, in a poorly executed lesson on sex education, all the girls around me started whispering things like “I would never do that”’, “That’s disgusting”, “Only boys are meant to do that”. These comments only served to reinforce the guilt and shame I was feeling.  

Girls were never made to feel comfortable when it came to conversations about masturbation, and actually saying that, there were barely any conversations being had about female pleasure. We were never properly taught about the clit and what it does. I was today years old when I realised that it's not in fact where our pee comes from!

Quick interlude to bring you a little bit of information about the clit, in case you want to finally take things into your own hands and learn the things you were never taught growing up. 

Image taken from MedicalNewsToday 

We don’t yet quite know if the clitoris has any purpose other than sexual pleasure; however, what we do know is that the clit is such a sensitive organ that it plays a big part in having an orgasm. Studies show that only 18% of people with a vulva orgasm from penetration alone, meaning that the rest need clitoral stimulation to help them get there. 

Masturbating is so important because it can help you understand what you like and it can enhance your experience with your sexual partners. Masturbating can boost your mood by releasing endorphins and studies say that it can reduce stress, help us sleep, boost libido and even improve our immune system!


It took me years to realise that masturbating wasn’t a bad thing and I should feel good about it! Let me just take a moment to clarify that I am not a doctor nor a therapist, I am simply speaking from my own experience of what has helped me.

  • Try talking about it with close friends or people you trust and feel comfortable around. Talking about it can make you feel less alone and remind you of how healthy and normal it is.
  • Try writing down what's causing those feelings of shame. Where do they stem from? Knowing the cause is the first step to moving past it.
  • View masturbation as a means of self care and self love. 
  • And whilst we are on the subject of self love…that is a BIG one, how can we give ourselves pleasure when we don't have love for ourselves. Explore yourself:, sit in front of a mirror and get to know your body, but don’t compare yourself to anyone else! Remember, everyone's body parts are unique and different!
  • Follow positive social media accounts that talk about self pleasure.

You may also find that you try all these things only to learn that masturbating actually isn't for you and that’s okay too. 

Being with my partner and being honest about my guilt has also helped me to break down some of those walls of resistance I had been building for myself. Exploring pleasure with another person can be very fun and can make you realise that you might also want to have fun when you're on your own.  


Feeling guilty about masturbating is a big enough problem on its own, so bringing sex toys into the equation can be even scarier! When I was gifted my first sex toy from a friend, I was so ashamed about it that I didn't use it for months! Little did I know it can make things much more fun and can also help you get to where you want a lot quicker! Sex toys can be very daunting, and there are so many to choose from. It can be hard to know where to start. That’s one of the great things about VeganToys: they are fun, non-intimidating vibrators and dildos, which can make buying and using sex toys a lot easier. If you are stuck, why not try The Vegan Starter Pack? It includes Vegan Lube, a bullet vibrator of your choice and Vegan Toy cleaner. That’s another thing, make sure you keep your toys clean: you don’t want to be causing any irritation to the area. This little starter pack will keep you going for a good while and it can be enjoyed by yourself or with a partner!

I'm going to leave you with one last tip: trust yourself and what feels good for you. Remember, there are no limits when it comes to pleasure!


The Vegan Starter Pack - Vegan Toy Cleaner, Vegan Lube, Bullet Vibrator